Not Everyone Deserves to Be in Your Network

Your network is a resource. It's not a popularity contest.

I know that sounds harsh. We're therapists - we're trained to be inclusive, to give people the benefit of the doubt, to assume positive intent. And that's great in the therapy room. But your professional network isn't the therapy room.

If someone adds me on social media and then never engages with me - never comments, never likes, never messages, nothing - I remove them. And I don't add them back.

Because connection without engagement isn't connection. It's just noise.

The collector problem.

Some people collect connections like Pokémon cards. They add everyone, follow everyone, and send connection requests to anyone with "therapist" in their bio. But they never actually connect.

They're not building relationships. They're building a number.

And here's the thing: a network full of people who don't know you, don't engage with you, and wouldn't recognize your name if it came up isn't a network. It's a list. Lists don't send referrals.

Networking is reciprocal.

Real networking is mutual. It's "I see you, I trust you, and I want to support you. Can we support each other?"

That means both people show up. Both people engage. Both people remember that the relationship exists between coffee meetings.

If you're the only one initiating, the only one commenting, the only one checking in - that's not a relationship. That's you doing all the work while someone else benefits from your effort.

You're allowed to stop.

Who belongs in your network.

Your network should be people you actually know and trust. People you'd feel confident referring a client to. People who would think of you when the right opportunity comes up. You know how to do a “Vibe Check,” because you do it every day. Trust that.

Ask yourself: If this person messaged me asking for a referral, would I know enough about their work to give them one? If the answer is no, what are they doing in your network?

Who doesn't belong.

People who added you and disappeared. People who only reach out when they want something. People who take your referrals but never send any back. People who've shown you through their behavior that the relationship is one-sided. People you just don’t connect with, or even people who don’t show up as a good human being.

You don't owe anyone access to your professional network just because they clicked a button.

How to clean house.

You don't need to make a big announcement about it. Just start paying attention.

Who engages with your content? Who responds when you reach out? Who shows up consistently, even in small ways?

Those people stay.

Who's been silent for months or years? Who only appears when they need something? Who added you and then acted like you don't exist?

Remove them. Unfollow them. Let the connection fade.

This isn't mean. It's maintenance.

The energy you protect.

Every connection in your network takes up space - mental space, if nothing else. When you scroll through your feed and see posts from people you don't recognize, that's clutter. When you get a message from someone you haven't heard from in two years asking for a favor, that's a drain.

Protecting your network is protecting your energy.

And when your network is smaller but stronger, something shifts. You actually know the people in it. You trust them. You think of them when opportunities come up because you have real relationships, not just names on a list.

A note on guilt.

If you're feeling guilty about this, notice that. Where does that guilt come from?

Is it the belief that you should be available to everyone? That saying no to a connection is somehow unkind? Is your worth as a professional tied to how many people want to be in your orbit?

Those beliefs will burn you out. Not just in networking - in everything.

You're allowed to have standards for who gets access to you professionally. You're allowed to protect your time, your energy, and your referral relationships. You're allowed to build a network that actually works instead of one that just looks impressive.

The bottom line.

Build real relationships. Engage with the people you want to stay connected to. And let go of the ones who were never really connected in the first place.

Your network will be smaller. It will also be infinitely more valuable.

The Networking Toolkit has everything you need to build relationships that actually lead to referrals - scripts, templates, and a tracker to stay organized: https://privatepaypractitioners.com/services

Why “I Work With Anxiety and Depression” Isn’t A Niche

If your answer to “who do you work with?” is “I work with anxiety and depression,” you don’t have a niche. You have a description of 80% of therapy clients.

I know this feels controversial. You went to school to help people with mental health issues. Anxiety and depression are mental health issues. Why wouldn’t you list them?

Because when everyone says the same thing, no one stands out. And when no one stands out, clients pick based on convenience or cost - not fit.

What a niche actually is.

A niche isn’t just a diagnosis or population. It’s a specific person with a specific problem at a specific point in their life.

Compare these:

“I work with anxiety.”

vs.

“I work with high-achieving women in their 30s who look like they have it all together but are secretly exhausted by their own perfectionism.”

The first one describes a symptom. The second one describes a human being. Which one would you click on if you were that woman?

The specificity objection.

“But if I get too specific, I’ll turn people away!”

Maybe. But you’ll also attract the right people - the ones who read your website and think “it’s like they’re describing my life.”

Here’s what actually happens when you niche down: You become memorable. Referral sources think of you for specific situations. Your marketing becomes easier because you know exactly who you’re talking to. And counterintuitively, you often get more inquiries, not fewer.

I’d rather have 10 inquiries from people who are genuinely a great fit than 50 inquiries from people who picked me because I was available on Tuesdays.

How to find your niche.

Start with energy, not strategy.

Who do you love working with? Not who can you work with - who lights you up? Who do you think about between sessions because you’re genuinely invested in their progress?

Now flip it: Who drains you? Who do you dread seeing on your schedule? What types of clients leave you feeling depleted?

The patterns there will tell you more than any market research.

Then ask: What do I bring that’s different? Maybe it’s lived experience. Maybe it’s a specific training. Maybe it’s your style or approach. Your niche lives at the intersection of who you love working with and what makes you uniquely suited to help them.

The “I help” statement.

Try this formula: I help [specific person] who is struggling with [specific problem] so they can [specific transformation].

Not: “I help adults with anxiety and depression.”

Instead: “I help new moms who feel like they’re failing at everything rebuild their confidence and actually enjoy motherhood.”

The first is forgettable. The second makes the right person feel seen.

The Playbook walks you through finding your niche step by step. Grab it here: https://a.co/d/g6bBKPZ