Not Everyone Deserves to Be in Your Network

Your network is a resource. It's not a popularity contest.

I know that sounds harsh. We're therapists - we're trained to be inclusive, to give people the benefit of the doubt, to assume positive intent. And that's great in the therapy room. But your professional network isn't the therapy room.

If someone adds me on social media and then never engages with me - never comments, never likes, never messages, nothing - I remove them. And I don't add them back.

Because connection without engagement isn't connection. It's just noise.

The collector problem.

Some people collect connections like Pokémon cards. They add everyone, follow everyone, and send connection requests to anyone with "therapist" in their bio. But they never actually connect.

They're not building relationships. They're building a number.

And here's the thing: a network full of people who don't know you, don't engage with you, and wouldn't recognize your name if it came up isn't a network. It's a list. Lists don't send referrals.

Networking is reciprocal.

Real networking is mutual. It's "I see you, I trust you, and I want to support you. Can we support each other?"

That means both people show up. Both people engage. Both people remember that the relationship exists between coffee meetings.

If you're the only one initiating, the only one commenting, the only one checking in - that's not a relationship. That's you doing all the work while someone else benefits from your effort.

You're allowed to stop.

Who belongs in your network.

Your network should be people you actually know and trust. People you'd feel confident referring a client to. People who would think of you when the right opportunity comes up. You know how to do a “Vibe Check,” because you do it every day. Trust that.

Ask yourself: If this person messaged me asking for a referral, would I know enough about their work to give them one? If the answer is no, what are they doing in your network?

Who doesn't belong.

People who added you and disappeared. People who only reach out when they want something. People who take your referrals but never send any back. People who've shown you through their behavior that the relationship is one-sided. People you just don’t connect with, or even people who don’t show up as a good human being.

You don't owe anyone access to your professional network just because they clicked a button.

How to clean house.

You don't need to make a big announcement about it. Just start paying attention.

Who engages with your content? Who responds when you reach out? Who shows up consistently, even in small ways?

Those people stay.

Who's been silent for months or years? Who only appears when they need something? Who added you and then acted like you don't exist?

Remove them. Unfollow them. Let the connection fade.

This isn't mean. It's maintenance.

The energy you protect.

Every connection in your network takes up space - mental space, if nothing else. When you scroll through your feed and see posts from people you don't recognize, that's clutter. When you get a message from someone you haven't heard from in two years asking for a favor, that's a drain.

Protecting your network is protecting your energy.

And when your network is smaller but stronger, something shifts. You actually know the people in it. You trust them. You think of them when opportunities come up because you have real relationships, not just names on a list.

A note on guilt.

If you're feeling guilty about this, notice that. Where does that guilt come from?

Is it the belief that you should be available to everyone? That saying no to a connection is somehow unkind? Is your worth as a professional tied to how many people want to be in your orbit?

Those beliefs will burn you out. Not just in networking - in everything.

You're allowed to have standards for who gets access to you professionally. You're allowed to protect your time, your energy, and your referral relationships. You're allowed to build a network that actually works instead of one that just looks impressive.

The bottom line.

Build real relationships. Engage with the people you want to stay connected to. And let go of the ones who were never really connected in the first place.

Your network will be smaller. It will also be infinitely more valuable.

The Networking Toolkit has everything you need to build relationships that actually lead to referrals - scripts, templates, and a tracker to stay organized: https://privatepaypractitioners.com/services

Advertising, Marketing, and Networking: They’re Not the Same Thing

Therapists use these words interchangeably all the time. “I need to do more marketing,” when they mean advertising. “My advertising isn’t working,” when the problem is actually their messaging. “I hate marketing,” when what they really hate is self-promotion.

Let’s untangle this.

Marketing is the umbrella.

Marketing is everything about how you position yourself and communicate your value. It’s your messaging, your brand, who you’re trying to reach, and how you talk about what you do. Marketing answers the questions: Who do I help? What problem do I solve? Why should someone choose me?

Your website copy is marketing. Your Psychology Today profile is marketing. The way you describe your practice at a networking event is marketing. The Instagram post you wrote about burnout is marketing.

Marketing isn’t something you do - it’s the foundation everything else sits on.

Advertising is paid visibility.

Advertising is when you pay to put your message in front of people. Psychology Today is advertising (yes, that monthly fee is an ad). Google Ads, Facebook Ads, Instagram promotions, sponsored posts - all advertising.

Here’s where therapists get tripped up: they invest in advertising before their marketing is solid. You can pay for all the visibility in the world, but if your messaging doesn’t resonate, you’re just paying to be ignored.

I’ve seen therapists spend hundreds on Google Ads driving traffic to a website that says, “I provide a warm, supportive environment using evidence-based approaches.” That’s not a message. That’s wallpaper.

Networking is relationship-based visibility.

Networking is building connections with people who can refer to you or collaborate with you. Coffee meetings with other therapists, connecting with physicians, building relationships with school counselors, and joining professional communities.

Networking is slow. It doesn’t scale. And it’s often the most effective thing you can do.

Why? Because a referral from a trusted source carries weight that no ad can match. When a psychiatrist tells their patient “I know a therapist who specializes in exactly what you’re dealing with,” that person is practically sold before they ever visit your website.

So what does this mean for your practice?

First, get your marketing right. Clarify who you help and what transformation you provide. Make sure your website and profiles actually speak to your ideal client’s experience - not just your credentials and modalities.

Second, don’t over-rely on any single advertising channel. I’ve watched therapists build entire practices on Psychology Today referrals, then panic when the algorithm changes or their area gets saturated. Diversify. Maybe it’s Psychology Today, a Google Business Profile, and one other directory. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Third, network consistently. Not frantically when your caseload drops - consistently. Two coffee meetings a month. Staying connected with colleagues. Building real relationships, not just collecting business cards.

Here’s the thing: advertising costs money. Networking costs time. But bad marketing costs you both - because you’ll spend money on ads that don’t convert and time on networking conversations that don’t lead anywhere, all because your message isn’t landing.

Before you ask, “Where should I advertise?” ask, “Is my message clear?” Before you ask, “How do I get more referrals?” ask, “Do people actually understand who I help?”

Marketing first. Then decide how you want to get visible - through paid advertising, relationship-building, or ideally both.

Not sure what to charge? Start with the Private Pay Rate Calculator to get your numbers clear.