Don't Get Caught Up in Someone Else's Flashy

I've had two conversations recently with therapists who paid thousands to coaching programs that "guaranteed" clients.

Both were struggling to get clients despite doing "all the right things."

I'm not naming names. I'm not here to trash anyone's program. But I am here to say something that needs to be said.

No program works if you don't do the work.

That includes mine.

I've had people go through my content, show up to my workshops, buy my book, and still not build the practice they wanted. Not because the information was wrong. Because building a practice is hard, and no amount of curriculum changes that.

Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling you a fantasy.

Guarantees aren't guarantees.

Read the fine print.

Most "guarantees" in this industry say something like "results depend on implementation" or "you must complete all modules and attend all calls."

That's not a guarantee. That's a disclaimer dressed up in marketing language.

If the guarantee has conditions that make it nearly impossible to claim, it's not there to protect you. It's there to close the sale.

Three questions to ask before you hand anyone your money.

Including me.

1. Does this person's success come from doing the thing, or from teaching the thing?

There's a difference between someone who built a thriving practice and someone who built a business selling to people who want to build a practice.

Some people did both. Some people did one and pivoted to the other. And some people skipped straight to selling the dream without ever living it.

Look at what they actually did before they started coaching. How long were they in practice? How did they build? What's the real story, not the Instagram version?

2. Is the marketing about them or about you?

Millionaire lifestyle content is designed to make you feel like you're missing something. The luxury photos, the "I made six figures in three months," the carefully curated success story.

That feeling of lack? That's the product. They're selling you relief from a problem their marketing just created.

Real help doesn't need to make you feel small first.

3. What happens when it doesn't work?

This is the question nobody asks until it's too late.

Do you get support, or do you get blamed for not implementing correctly? Is there a community that actually helps, or just a Slack channel where your questions disappear? Can you talk to people who struggled, or only the ones in the testimonials?

The answer to this question tells you everything about what you're actually buying.

I'm not saying don't invest in yourself.

I'm saying invest with discernment.

The flashy stuff is easy to see. Someone's Instagram grid, their book cover, their testimonials, their "as seen in" logos. That takes five minutes to evaluate.

The substance takes longer to find. You have to dig. Ask for references. Talk to people who didn't get results, not just the ones featured on the sales page. Look for the person behind the brand.

That work is worth doing before you spend thousands of dollars.

Here's the truth nobody wants to say out loud.

Anyone promising to hand you a practice is lying.

You have to build it. Brick by brick. Client by client. Uncomfortable conversation by uncomfortable conversation.

The right support helps you build faster and with fewer mistakes. It gives you frameworks so you're not starting from zero. It gives you community so you're not doing it alone. It gives you accountability so you actually follow through.

But it doesn't do the work for you. Nothing does.

Don't get caught up in someone else's flashy.

Find the people who are honest about what it takes. Who tell you the hard parts, not just the highlight reel. Who built something real and want to help you do the same.

They're out there. They're just not always the loudest voices in the room.

DJ Burr, LMHC, LPC

Founder, Private Pay Practitioners

Not Everyone Deserves to Be in Your Network

Your network is a resource. It's not a popularity contest.

I know that sounds harsh. We're therapists - we're trained to be inclusive, to give people the benefit of the doubt, to assume positive intent. And that's great in the therapy room. But your professional network isn't the therapy room.

If someone adds me on social media and then never engages with me - never comments, never likes, never messages, nothing - I remove them. And I don't add them back.

Because connection without engagement isn't connection. It's just noise.

The collector problem.

Some people collect connections like Pokémon cards. They add everyone, follow everyone, and send connection requests to anyone with "therapist" in their bio. But they never actually connect.

They're not building relationships. They're building a number.

And here's the thing: a network full of people who don't know you, don't engage with you, and wouldn't recognize your name if it came up isn't a network. It's a list. Lists don't send referrals.

Networking is reciprocal.

Real networking is mutual. It's "I see you, I trust you, and I want to support you. Can we support each other?"

That means both people show up. Both people engage. Both people remember that the relationship exists between coffee meetings.

If you're the only one initiating, the only one commenting, the only one checking in - that's not a relationship. That's you doing all the work while someone else benefits from your effort.

You're allowed to stop.

Who belongs in your network.

Your network should be people you actually know and trust. People you'd feel confident referring a client to. People who would think of you when the right opportunity comes up. You know how to do a “Vibe Check,” because you do it every day. Trust that.

Ask yourself: If this person messaged me asking for a referral, would I know enough about their work to give them one? If the answer is no, what are they doing in your network?

Who doesn't belong.

People who added you and disappeared. People who only reach out when they want something. People who take your referrals but never send any back. People who've shown you through their behavior that the relationship is one-sided. People you just don’t connect with, or even people who don’t show up as a good human being.

You don't owe anyone access to your professional network just because they clicked a button.

How to clean house.

You don't need to make a big announcement about it. Just start paying attention.

Who engages with your content? Who responds when you reach out? Who shows up consistently, even in small ways?

Those people stay.

Who's been silent for months or years? Who only appears when they need something? Who added you and then acted like you don't exist?

Remove them. Unfollow them. Let the connection fade.

This isn't mean. It's maintenance.

The energy you protect.

Every connection in your network takes up space - mental space, if nothing else. When you scroll through your feed and see posts from people you don't recognize, that's clutter. When you get a message from someone you haven't heard from in two years asking for a favor, that's a drain.

Protecting your network is protecting your energy.

And when your network is smaller but stronger, something shifts. You actually know the people in it. You trust them. You think of them when opportunities come up because you have real relationships, not just names on a list.

A note on guilt.

If you're feeling guilty about this, notice that. Where does that guilt come from?

Is it the belief that you should be available to everyone? That saying no to a connection is somehow unkind? Is your worth as a professional tied to how many people want to be in your orbit?

Those beliefs will burn you out. Not just in networking - in everything.

You're allowed to have standards for who gets access to you professionally. You're allowed to protect your time, your energy, and your referral relationships. You're allowed to build a network that actually works instead of one that just looks impressive.

The bottom line.

Build real relationships. Engage with the people you want to stay connected to. And let go of the ones who were never really connected in the first place.

Your network will be smaller. It will also be infinitely more valuable.

The Networking Toolkit has everything you need to build relationships that actually lead to referrals - scripts, templates, and a tracker to stay organized: https://privatepaypractitioners.com/services