Not Everyone Deserves to Be in Your Network
Your network is a resource. It's not a popularity contest.
I know that sounds harsh. We're therapists - we're trained to be inclusive, to give people the benefit of the doubt, to assume positive intent. And that's great in the therapy room. But your professional network isn't the therapy room.
If someone adds me on social media and then never engages with me - never comments, never likes, never messages, nothing - I remove them. And I don't add them back.
Because connection without engagement isn't connection. It's just noise.
The collector problem.
Some people collect connections like Pokémon cards. They add everyone, follow everyone, and send connection requests to anyone with "therapist" in their bio. But they never actually connect.
They're not building relationships. They're building a number.
And here's the thing: a network full of people who don't know you, don't engage with you, and wouldn't recognize your name if it came up isn't a network. It's a list. Lists don't send referrals.
Networking is reciprocal.
Real networking is mutual. It's "I see you, I trust you, and I want to support you. Can we support each other?"
That means both people show up. Both people engage. Both people remember that the relationship exists between coffee meetings.
If you're the only one initiating, the only one commenting, the only one checking in - that's not a relationship. That's you doing all the work while someone else benefits from your effort.
You're allowed to stop.
Who belongs in your network.
Your network should be people you actually know and trust. People you'd feel confident referring a client to. People who would think of you when the right opportunity comes up. You know how to do a “Vibe Check,” because you do it every day. Trust that.
Ask yourself: If this person messaged me asking for a referral, would I know enough about their work to give them one? If the answer is no, what are they doing in your network?
Who doesn't belong.
People who added you and disappeared. People who only reach out when they want something. People who take your referrals but never send any back. People who've shown you through their behavior that the relationship is one-sided. People you just don’t connect with, or even people who don’t show up as a good human being.
You don't owe anyone access to your professional network just because they clicked a button.
How to clean house.
You don't need to make a big announcement about it. Just start paying attention.
Who engages with your content? Who responds when you reach out? Who shows up consistently, even in small ways?
Those people stay.
Who's been silent for months or years? Who only appears when they need something? Who added you and then acted like you don't exist?
Remove them. Unfollow them. Let the connection fade.
This isn't mean. It's maintenance.
The energy you protect.
Every connection in your network takes up space - mental space, if nothing else. When you scroll through your feed and see posts from people you don't recognize, that's clutter. When you get a message from someone you haven't heard from in two years asking for a favor, that's a drain.
Protecting your network is protecting your energy.
And when your network is smaller but stronger, something shifts. You actually know the people in it. You trust them. You think of them when opportunities come up because you have real relationships, not just names on a list.
A note on guilt.
If you're feeling guilty about this, notice that. Where does that guilt come from?
Is it the belief that you should be available to everyone? That saying no to a connection is somehow unkind? Is your worth as a professional tied to how many people want to be in your orbit?
Those beliefs will burn you out. Not just in networking - in everything.
You're allowed to have standards for who gets access to you professionally. You're allowed to protect your time, your energy, and your referral relationships. You're allowed to build a network that actually works instead of one that just looks impressive.
The bottom line.
Build real relationships. Engage with the people you want to stay connected to. And let go of the ones who were never really connected in the first place.
Your network will be smaller. It will also be infinitely more valuable.
The Networking Toolkit has everything you need to build relationships that actually lead to referrals - scripts, templates, and a tracker to stay organized: https://privatepaypractitioners.com/services
How to Calculate Your Private Pay Rate (And Actually Charge It)
“What should I charge?” is the wrong question.
The right question is: “What do I need to charge to sustain my life and my practice?”
Most therapists pick a rate by looking around at what other therapists charge, picking something in the middle, and hoping it’s enough. That’s not a strategy. That’s a guess.
Your rate isn’t about your worth.
Let’s get this out of the way: I don’t believe in “charge what you’re worth.” You’re a human being - your worth isn’t quantifiable. And frankly, that framing keeps therapists stuck, because they tie their self-esteem to a dollar amount.
Your rate is about math. What does it cost to run your life and your business? That’s your starting point.
The actual calculation.
Here’s the simplified version:
Add up your monthly personal expenses (rent/mortgage, food, utilities, insurance, debt payments, everything)
Add up your monthly business expenses (EHR, liability insurance, subscriptions, continuing education, etc.)
Add those together
Multiply by 1.3 to account for taxes and self-employment costs
Divide by the number of sessions you want to see per month
That’s your minimum sustainable rate.
Notice I said “sessions you want to see” - not “sessions you could theoretically cram into your schedule.” If you want to see 20 clients a week and take actual vacations, calculate based on that.
Why therapists resist this.
When I walk therapists through this calculation, they often land on a number higher than what they’re currently charging. And then the panic sets in.
“No one will pay that.” “I’ll lose all my clients.” “That’s more than other therapists in my area charge.”
Here’s what I know: there are therapists in your area charging more than you, seeing full caseloads. The difference isn’t their credentials or their experience. It’s their confidence and their clarity.
The real barrier is internal.
Most pricing problems aren’t business problems - they’re money story problems. The messages you absorbed growing up about money, worth, and who gets to have nice things. The implicit lessons from grad school that therapists should sacrifice. The guilt about charging for help.
This is why I spend the first two weeks of my intensive coaching program on money mindset before we ever touch strategy. You can know what to charge and still not be able to do it if your internal wiring is fighting you.
What to do with your number.
Once you’ve calculated your sustainable rate:
Say it out loud. Ten times. Notice what comes up.
Practice stating it without apologizing, explaining, or immediately offering a discount.
If there’s a gap between your current rate and your sustainable rate, make a plan to close it.
Maybe that means raising your rate for new clients immediately. Maybe it means a gradual increase for existing clients. Maybe it means having some hard conversations. But you can’t build a sustainable practice on an unsustainable rate.
Ready to run your numbers? Use the Private Pay Rate Calculator - it factors in taxes, time off, and the expenses most therapists forget.
Advertising, Marketing, and Networking: They’re Not the Same Thing
It All Begins Here
Therapists use these words interchangeably all the time. “I need to do more marketing,” when they mean advertising. “My advertising isn’t working,” when the problem is actually their messaging. “I hate marketing,” when what they really hate is self-promotion.
Let’s untangle this.
Marketing is the umbrella.
Marketing is everything about how you position yourself and communicate your value. It’s your messaging, your brand, who you’re trying to reach, and how you talk about what you do. Marketing answers the questions: Who do I help? What problem do I solve? Why should someone choose me?
Your website copy is marketing. Your Psychology Today profile is marketing. The way you describe your practice at a networking event is marketing. The Instagram post you wrote about burnout is marketing.
Marketing isn’t something you do - it’s the foundation everything else sits on.
Advertising is paid visibility.
Advertising is when you pay to put your message in front of people. Psychology Today is advertising (yes, that monthly fee is an ad). Google Ads, Facebook Ads, Instagram promotions, sponsored posts - all advertising.
Here’s where therapists get tripped up: they invest in advertising before their marketing is solid. You can pay for all the visibility in the world, but if your messaging doesn’t resonate, you’re just paying to be ignored.
I’ve seen therapists spend hundreds on Google Ads driving traffic to a website that says, “I provide a warm, supportive environment using evidence-based approaches.” That’s not a message. That’s wallpaper.
Networking is relationship-based visibility.
Networking is building connections with people who can refer to you or collaborate with you. Coffee meetings with other therapists, connecting with physicians, building relationships with school counselors, and joining professional communities.
Networking is slow. It doesn’t scale. And it’s often the most effective thing you can do.
Why? Because a referral from a trusted source carries weight that no ad can match. When a psychiatrist tells their patient “I know a therapist who specializes in exactly what you’re dealing with,” that person is practically sold before they ever visit your website.
So what does this mean for your practice?
First, get your marketing right. Clarify who you help and what transformation you provide. Make sure your website and profiles actually speak to your ideal client’s experience - not just your credentials and modalities.
Second, don’t over-rely on any single advertising channel. I’ve watched therapists build entire practices on Psychology Today referrals, then panic when the algorithm changes or their area gets saturated. Diversify. Maybe it’s Psychology Today, a Google Business Profile, and one other directory. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
Third, network consistently. Not frantically when your caseload drops - consistently. Two coffee meetings a month. Staying connected with colleagues. Building real relationships, not just collecting business cards.
Here’s the thing: advertising costs money. Networking costs time. But bad marketing costs you both - because you’ll spend money on ads that don’t convert and time on networking conversations that don’t lead anywhere, all because your message isn’t landing.
Before you ask, “Where should I advertise?” ask, “Is my message clear?” Before you ask, “How do I get more referrals?” ask, “Do people actually understand who I help?”
Marketing first. Then decide how you want to get visible - through paid advertising, relationship-building, or ideally both.
Not sure what to charge? Start with the Private Pay Rate Calculator to get your numbers clear.
How to Handle Reduced Rate Requests Without Resenting Your Clients
Every private pay therapist gets asked for a reduced rate. The question isn't whether it will happen—it's whether you'll have a system that protects both your practice and your sanity.
Most therapists handle reduced rate requests badly. They freeze in the consultation, blurt out a lower number, and spend the next six months resenting that client every time they show up on the schedule.
There's a better way.
The Problem With Traditional Sliding Scales
Most therapists start from the wrong place: the client's income.
"What can they afford?" becomes the question. Then you work backwards from there, offering whatever number makes them say yes.
The result? You fill your caseload with clients paying rates that don't sustain your practice—and you feel resentful every time you see them.
Resentment is data. It's telling you something is off. Usually, it means you made a decision based on obligation rather than capacity.
The Capacity-First Approach
Instead of starting with what the client can afford, start with what YOU can sustain.
Ask yourself three questions before you ever get a reduced rate request:
1. How many reduced-rate spots can I hold without resentment?
Not "how many should I offer to be a good person." How many can you actually carry without it affecting your energy, your clinical presence, or your attitude toward those clients?
For most therapists, this is 10-15% of your caseload. Maybe less. Maybe none. There's no wrong answer—only honest ones.
2. What is my floor rate?
This is the absolute minimum you can accept and still feel good about showing up. Below this number, resentment kicks in.
Your floor should never be lower than what insurance would pay you. If you wouldn't see someone for $80 on a panel, don't see them for $80 privately.
3. What are my tiers?
If you offer reduced rates, structure them. Full rate → 10-15% off → 20-25% off → Floor. Know your numbers before the conversation happens.
The 90-Day Review System
Here's what most therapists miss: reduced rates shouldn't be permanent.
Every reduced-rate client gets a 90-day check-in. Put it on your calendar. Tell the client during the session when you're setting the rate: "We'll check in about this in 90 days."
At that check-in: "Has anything changed in your situation that might allow us to adjust toward full fee?"
The goal is always movement toward full rate when possible. A reduced rate is a gift of access—not a permanent obligation. Gifts have limits.
Scripts That Actually Work
When someone asks for a lower rate:
"My rate is $[X]. I do have a limited number of reduced-rate spots. Would you like me to check availability, or would you prefer a referral to someone who might have more flexibility?"
When you don't have a reduced spot available:
"I'm not able to offer a reduced rate right now. I understand that may make therapy inaccessible, and I want to offer you options that may better fit your current needs."
For the 90-day check-in:
"It's been 90 days since we set up your current rate. I wanted to check in—has anything changed in your financial situation? If you're in a place where a small increase is manageable, we could adjust to $[X]. If not, we can revisit in another 90 days."
Key Policies to Protect Your Practice
New clients pay full rate. Period. No negotiation at intake. Reduced rates are for existing clients experiencing hardship or legacy clients from practice transitions.
Your sliding scale has a cap. Decide in advance how many reduced-rate spots you'll hold. When those are full, the answer is no—even if someone qualifies.
You can say no even if you have a spot available. Reduced rate eligibility doesn't mean automatic approval. If something feels off clinically or you're already stretched thin, you can decline.
The Anchor Statement
When you're in the moment and feel yourself wavering, come back to this:
"I desire to have a sustainable business, so I set rates that are aligned with my values and will keep my business open to provide care to all clients."
A burned-out therapist helps no one. Your sustainability IS your accessibility. You staying in practice long-term serves more people than burning out in three years at low rates.
For scripts, templates, and frameworks to build a sustainable private pay practice, check out the resources at privatepaypractitioners.com or patreon.com/privatepay.
Why “I Work With Anxiety and Depression” Isn’t A Niche
If your answer to “who do you work with?” is “I work with anxiety and depression,” you don’t have a niche. You have a description of 80% of therapy clients.
I know this feels controversial. You went to school to help people with mental health issues. Anxiety and depression are mental health issues. Why wouldn’t you list them?
Because when everyone says the same thing, no one stands out. And when no one stands out, clients pick based on convenience or cost - not fit.
What a niche actually is.
A niche isn’t just a diagnosis or population. It’s a specific person with a specific problem at a specific point in their life.
Compare these:
“I work with anxiety.”
vs.
“I work with high-achieving women in their 30s who look like they have it all together but are secretly exhausted by their own perfectionism.”
The first one describes a symptom. The second one describes a human being. Which one would you click on if you were that woman?
The specificity objection.
“But if I get too specific, I’ll turn people away!”
Maybe. But you’ll also attract the right people - the ones who read your website and think “it’s like they’re describing my life.”
Here’s what actually happens when you niche down: You become memorable. Referral sources think of you for specific situations. Your marketing becomes easier because you know exactly who you’re talking to. And counterintuitively, you often get more inquiries, not fewer.
I’d rather have 10 inquiries from people who are genuinely a great fit than 50 inquiries from people who picked me because I was available on Tuesdays.
How to find your niche.
Start with energy, not strategy.
Who do you love working with? Not who can you work with - who lights you up? Who do you think about between sessions because you’re genuinely invested in their progress?
Now flip it: Who drains you? Who do you dread seeing on your schedule? What types of clients leave you feeling depleted?
The patterns there will tell you more than any market research.
Then ask: What do I bring that’s different? Maybe it’s lived experience. Maybe it’s a specific training. Maybe it’s your style or approach. Your niche lives at the intersection of who you love working with and what makes you uniquely suited to help them.
The “I help” statement.
Try this formula: I help [specific person] who is struggling with [specific problem] so they can [specific transformation].
Not: “I help adults with anxiety and depression.”
Instead: “I help new moms who feel like they’re failing at everything rebuild their confidence and actually enjoy motherhood.”
The first is forgettable. The second makes the right person feel seen.
The Playbook walks you through finding your niche step by step. Grab it here: https://a.co/d/g6bBKPZ